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To Sam

Sex after forced sex

Hi Sam. I'm 16 and in a relationship with a male who is ver understanding.  But I was in an abusive relationship for a while and he sexually physically and verbally abused me. He let his friend force me into sex multiple times. It's affected my whole life. I'm a self harmer. I suffer from social anxiety panic attacks severe depression and I'm petrified of being touched. My parents or family don't know. Only my boyfriend and close friends. They all say it was that R word that happens when someone forces you to have sex. I can't believe them because to me it was my fault and some of the situations it happened in I can't even say that word because to me it's not. I don't understand why other people say it's the R word and yet it happened to me and I can't see it like that. Please help.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me about how you are feeling at the moment. It's really brave of you to share with me what happened at what sounds like a very difficult time for you.

You mentioned that your ex-boyfriend allowed his friend to force you to have sex with him. What happened to you is wrong. It was not your fault. Nobody has the right to treat you like that. I can hear you are finding it difficult to call it rape. It seems hard for you to hear that it’s not your fault.

I can tell that you do understand the meaning of being raped is to be forced to have sex. Being raped and assaulted is deeply upsetting. Emotions like shock, anger, blame and denial are normal to feel after rape or assault. It can also leave people feeling really down and depressed.

It sounds like you could use some support. It is really positive that you have been able to share what happened with your boyfriend and your close friends. However I am wondering if perhaps there is someone at school or another trusted adult you could talk to. Getting the support you deserve could help you to start to deal with the feelings it’s left you with. 

ChildLine is always here for you too. It may help to look at our pages about rape and sexual assault. You may also find support via the sexual abuse forum on our message boards. Other young people who have experienced sexual abuse have posted about their experiences and you could post a message too if you felt able to.

You may also find it useful to talk with a ChildLine counsellor about how you feel. They would listen to you and offer you support in any way they can.

Take care,


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