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To Sam

Seeing no future.

i have been with my online boyfriend for just over a year, we live around 3000 miles apart as hes from brooklyn ny and im from the UK! Hes madly inlove with me and I would like to be too but I feel like id be putting energy into something that wouldn't be worth it. I will try give him reasons on why he should leave me so I wouldn't have to burst his bubble and brake up with him. I do love him though. He bought me an engagement ring aswell, God knows why cause il never receive it and even if I did would he be poping the question in an airport before he flys back home? And then theres the how would we live together? Is it even possible? If we were together everything would be fine. I can't live without my love, you know? So is it worth it? Should I brake up with him?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

There can be lots of challenges to having a long distance relationship. And only the people who are part of it can say for sure whether or not it feels right.

Every relationship is different. So it’s important to think about what the relationship means to you, and whether it gives you the things you’d like. Some couples say that having to work at their relationship when they lived far apart made their relationship stronger. Other couples decide that there were too many difficulties for them to work through. But it’s different for everyone.

It seems like you’re not sure whether to put your energy into this relationship. From what you’ve explained, you’ve been trying to do things to make him finish with you. It’s normally better to be as honest as you can about what things are like for you. If you’re worried about hurting somebody’s feelings with the truth, perhaps you could start by saying, “I realise it might be difficult for you to hear me say this” or “I want to be honest with you.” Then you can explain your doubts and talk about things openly.

Keeping a relationship going can seem like a way of avoiding hurting the other person’s feelings. But in reality, if you’ve decided that the relationship isn’t right for you, it’s best to let the other person know as soon as you can. Your feelings are important and if you no longer want to be with them, you have the right to finish things.

You sound unsure about the idea of being engaged, and it seems like you have different ideas about what you want from the relationship. Whatever you choose to do, it’s important to be clear about what you need and what you’d like to happen. Getting engaged doesn’t seem like something you feel ready for, and your boyfriend needs to respect your feelings about that. 

I can tell that you care a lot about your boyfriend’s feelings and you don’t want to upset him. At the same time, your needs and your emotions are important too. And that means if the relationship doesn’t feel right for you, you have the right to end it. 

Meeting people online can be great. But it's always a good idea to make sure you're staying safe online, and trust that people are who they say they are. If you want to talk more about any of this, you can always speak to one of the counsellors free and confidentially on 0800 1111 or in a 1-2-1 chat or email.

Take care,

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