Need help straight away?
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Hi there,
There can be lots of challenges to having a long distance relationship. And only the people who are part of it can say for sure whether or not it feels right.
Every relationship is different. So its important to think about what the relationship means to you, and whether it gives you the things youd like. Some couples say that having to work at their relationship when they lived far apart made their relationship stronger. Other couples decide that there were too many difficulties for them to work through. But its different for everyone.
It seems like youre not sure whether to put your energy into this relationship. From what youve explained, youve been trying to do things to make him finish with you. Its normally better to be as honest as you can about what things are like for you. If youre worried about hurting somebodys feelings with the truth, perhaps you could start by saying, I realise it might be difficult for you to hear me say this or I want to be honest with you. Then you can explain your doubts and talk about things openly.
Keeping a relationship going can seem like a way of avoiding hurting the other persons feelings. But in reality, if youve decided that the relationship isnt right for you, its best to let the other person know as soon as you can. Your feelings are important and if you no longer want to be with them, you have the right to finish things.
You sound unsure about the idea of being engaged, and it seems like you have different ideas about what you want from the relationship. Whatever you choose to do, its important to be clear about what you need and what youd like to happen. Getting engaged doesnt seem like something you feel ready for, and your boyfriend needs to respect your feelings about that.
I can tell that you care a lot about your boyfriends feelings and you dont want to upset him. At the same time, your needs and your emotions are important too. And that means if the relationship doesnt feel right for you, you have the right to end it.
Meeting people online can be great. But it's always a good idea to make sure you're staying safe online, and trust that people are who they say they are. If you want to talk more about any of this, you can always speak to one of the counsellors free and confidentially on 0800 1111 or in a 1-2-1 chat or email.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.