Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

seeing a married man

hi sam, im 17 and i really do like this guy i am seeing, hes 40, has children and is married. I feel bad and guilty about but he makes me feel happy when i am with him. I suffer for depression also and being around him helps me to forget the feelings of wanting to end my life, he makes me feel wanted and special as i don't feel like anyone is my family really cares about me or even wants me around. We havnt been sexual active with each other before but i really do care about him and he says he feels the same about me, i need your help sam :(
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi

I’m really glad you chose to send me a letter to get some help with your situation and share how it’s making you feel.

I can hear how torn you feel about being with this man. It sounds like he’s supported you through some really tough times.

Sometimes when people are feeling depressed and suicidal they can start to believe things won’t change, but with the right support things can get better. Professional support is available to you - you don’t have to go through this alone. You could contact your GP who can talk to you about the different options, such as different forms of counselling, and medication.

In life we all need someone to lean on, but more so during times of difficulty. I wonder if that has made it harder for you to think about walking away from the help that this man has given you. It’s natural to want to stay with someone who cares for you and helps you feel more positive, but I worry that he has put you in a really unfair position. I imagine there have been times when you really wanted his support, but he hasn’t been able to be there, because of his wife and children. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone that you don’t have to share.

This man is a lot older than you and he should be taking responsibility for making sure that he is treating everyone fairly and with respect. It’s not respectful to you or his wife and children to lie to people about your relationship. Perhaps it’s time to have a serious conversation about your future, and whether he is planning to end his marriage. I understand that might be hard, but you have the right to ask where you stand, and it might help you decide if you want to continue the relationship.

It sounds like you might have some really tough decisions to make, and I can hear that you are already coping with a lot at the moment. Remember you can speak with a ChildLine counsellor about anything that you want to. You can ring free phone 0800 1111, have a 1-2-1 chat, or send an email. ChildLine won’t tell anyone what you say unless they think someone is in life threatening danger or you want them to tell someone for you. You might also find it helpful to look at the ChildLine page on coping with suicidal feelings, and do remember that you can ring 999 if you need help to stay safe.

Take care

Sam

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