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To Sam

Religion ruined us

So my boyfriend broke up with me on Thursday and a few days later he finally explained why. He said God spoke to him and told me to break up with me because he doesn't see us getting married (we're 14) and I'm not Christian like him.
He was at a Christian camp at the time so maybe he just got caught up with his religion but I doubt it.

I'm agnostic and have been waiting for a sign from some sort of God so I could be part of their religion with some sort of certanty. It upsets me that instead of getting some sort of nice sign I get broken up with because God told him to.

He says it's God because he would never think of breaking up with me so when he did think of it it must have been God. He has no other proof and has no other reason for breaking up with me that he's told me.

I don't know how to get over him and I feel like I won't be able to get over our breakup without understanding or believing that God talked to him and that he isn't just using his religion as an excuse so he doesn't have to tell me what is really up with us.
Please help me out.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Religion and relationships are two very personal things. They can both have a big impact on each other. Two people can be in a relationship with very different beliefs. But different beliefs can also cause some people to grow apart.

It can be really difficult to accept when someone breaks up with us, but it’s important to look after your own feelings. There are ways to cope and start to move on.

Everyone has the right to have their own beliefs. This includes your boyfriend. Only he knows what he experienced and what led him to break up with you. This was a very personal experience for him and so it’s going to be nearly impossible for you to fully understand his point of view. You may have very different experiences.

There are two issues you’re struggling with – whether God exists and what caused the relationship to end. In terms of your own beliefs, that’s a journey best made yourself. We are most secure when we fully understand and know why we believe what we do – and that usually involves finding out for ourselves.

Believing in something usually means being convinced that it’s true – and if there is no evidence or signs, then it’s based on faith. At some point you need to decide whether you’re comfortable believing in something on faith and what evidence you would need to make your mind up. That’s a personal decision only you can make.

As for why your boyfriend left you – it can be really tough looking for an answer to that question. He has given you his reason, but I can tell you don’t feel satisfied with it because you don’t fully believe in a god. Unfortunately you may not get more of an answer than this and so it’s important to begin to come to terms with that now. Whether you believe in god or not, your boyfriend does and that’s his reason.

One of the best things to do when trying to move on from someone is first make sure you have said everything you want to say – talk to him, call him or even write him an email or letter. Once you’ve done that then it’s often helpful to spend time away from him. Try meeting other people, doing things you enjoy and try not to think about him too much. It’s hard, but that time apart can really help.

I hope this helps – you can also see what other young people think about religion and relationships.

Thanks for the letter,

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