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Relationships

I'm a 14 year old boy and there's a girl I have a crush on at school. I find it awkward asking her out and have tried to show my feelings. I don't think she loves me though. I can't ask her out because if she hasn't got the same feelings she might not be my friend anymore. I'd rather be her friend than her never talking to me. Now she's of out with another boy and I don't want to break up their relationship. If shes happy it makes me happy though. And I know she's happy. This is hard though as every time their together it feels like someone is dropping  out my heart. Especially when they kiss. No one else knows about this, please help.
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Sam

Hi,

Thanks for your letter. I can hear this is really hard for you, so well done for telling me how you feel.

Having a crush on someone is completely normal. Worrying about how to tell someone is also normal. It can be exciting if things go right but embarrassing or awkward if they don’t.

It sounds like you’ve decided not to tell this girl you like her, as having her as a friend is more important to you. Making a choice between telling her how you feel and keeping a friend seems like it might have been difficult.

Dealing with the feelings you‘ve got for her may also be difficult. I can hear how much you like her and how much it hurts when you think about her going out with another boy. You have shown how much she means to you by saying that her being happy makes you happy.

I understand that you still want her friendship but I wonder if right now it’s just too hard for you to hang round with her at school. It might be easier to make an effort to spend time with other people while you come to terms with this new relationship. It’s important you look after yourself so if it gets too much for you then it’s okay to back away. Crushes often start to come to a natural end once you break the pattern of thinking about that person all the time. Maybe now would be a good opportunity to start something new, like getting to know another friendship group better, or joining a club at school or taking up a new sport.

Other young people have shared their relationship experiences on the message boards. It might be helpful for you to have a look at some of them to see how other people have coped and to understand you are not alone. It can help to share your feelings so maybe you would like to post a message on there too.

Another option is to talk to a ChildLine counsellor. The service is free and confidential. ChildLine counsellors only tell someone else what you tell them if you want them to, if someone’s life is in danger or an adult in a position of trust is abusing a child.

You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111, email them or have an online chat.

Take care and thanks for writing,

Sam

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