I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for nearly a year, but been talking and getting close for 2 years, we have been through a lot and yes i admit i hurt him at the beginning and went out with someone else, and he did go out with my best mate, so we have both been through a lot.. but we are finally at the stage where we love each other and we both want to be with each other.. but the problem is me... i have such bad trust issues and am very jealous.. any girl - celebrity or not can come on the tv and he willl say she is 'fit' and i will get so annoyed and jealous and think im not good enough.. i have been cheated on in the past, and hurt and lied to, and i know for a fact that my current boyfriend would not cheat on me or hurt me in anyway, but because of been hurt in the past i cant stop thinking about it.. and have these bad trust issues, i get parinod that other girls are talking to him on facebook, and he has his driving test tomorrow, and as much as i want him to pass and that, i understand he has more freedom, and cant help to think other girls will ask him to pick them up.. and i just get jealous and dont trust other girls.. i dunno what to do, because we sometimes argue because he cant mention another girl without me going off on one, and im scared one day he'll dump me.. i get so jealous, and my trust issues are so bad i think i need help... :( please help me..
Sam
Hello there,
Thank you for getting in touch with me and letting me know how difficult things feel for you at the moment. You have done really well to recognise this jealousy that you are feeling.
It sounds like you really care about your boyfriend however your trust issues and feelings around being let down in the past are really preventing you from feeling happiness now in this current relationship.
Relationships are at their best when there is trust, equality and understanding. From your letter you seem very concerned about what other girls may do rather than how your boyfriend would react if those situations were to arise. You mentioned that you dont trust other girls, however, you say that you know for a fact your boyfriend would not cheat on you and you are now both at a stage where you love each other and want to be with each other.
This relationship is about you and your boyfriend. There can be times in a relationship where one person has to talk about something that is making them feel bad. It can be difficult, but sometimes it can feel better when things are out in the open. From your letter you have not mentioned if you have talked this through with your boyfriend or anybody else. Perhaps this is something you may consider trying to see if you feel better being open and honest about how you're feeling and how you can both move forward feeling more comfortable.
Sometimes when hurtful things have happened in the past they can affect our confidence and self-esteem. It can take its time to come back, however, it doesnt have to be that way permanently. Maybe you could reflect on this and think about what you need to do to help you feel good about yourself. You could even explore this with the support of a ChildLine counsellor so that you can feel better about yourself and then hopefully feel more confident and less paranoid in yourself, the relationship, and the future.
You can speak to a ChildLine counsellor by calling 0800 1111 or you can log in for a 1-2-1 chat. You might also like to look at the Relationships message board and get support from other young people.
Take care,
Sam
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