Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thank you for contacting me about what has been happening in your relationship. It sounds like you are feeling confused and worried - you have done the right thing getting in touch.

You’ve said that you think you may have some signs of being pregnant. I think it is really important to start by finding out for definite if you are pregnant or not, so that you have time to decide what you want to do next. You can get a pregnancy test done for free at your GP, family planning centre or young people’s sexual health clinic. If you would prefer, you can buy a test from a chemist or a supermarket and do it yourself at home. You might also have a Brook Advisory Centre near you. Brook are a charity who provide sexual health services for young people and they have some good advice on their website about taking a pregnancy test, and what to do if you think you might be pregnant. If you want to talk through your options in more detail, you can also call them in confidence on 0808 802 1234. There is also a lot of information about Pregnancy in Explore.

You said that your boyfriend pressured you into using the pull out method of having sex, even though you were worried about getting pregnant. You should never have to do anything that you don’t want to and your partner should not force you to. The “pull out” or “withdrawal” method isn’t a safe method of contraception, because a boy can still release small amounts of sperm from his penis before orgasm. It also doesn’t protect against sexually transmitted infection and I think you were very sensible to tell him you didn’t want to use this method.

It sounds like you are not happy with the way your relationship is now, and are feeling like you boyfriend is only interested in sex. You asked “is this really love” and it seems like you are questioning your feelings for each other. I think that someone who loves you should not push you into anything you are not totally comfortable with. It is important that you are given time and space to talk to your partner about what you want and don’t want, and that your feelings are treated with respect.

Worrying about being pregnant is a lot to go through by yourself, particularly when you also have concerns about your relationship. Maybe you could think about a person you trust that you could talk to about how you feel, like a teacher, school nurse or family member. You can also always contact a ChildLine counsellor in confidence on 0800 1111 or you can log in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Well done for being so responsible and for writing to me.

Take care,

Sam