Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Pressure

Hi I'm in Year 10 and I have a boyfriend in year 11 (which when you think about it is normal as it's only one year), and he wants to have sex. He doesn't come out right with it but he kind of tries to get into my pants in many ways i guess. I'm not sure if I'm ready and I still want to be with him, as really he is a great guy and I love him very much. However I'm scared he will get bored and leave me. Please help i don't know how to explain to him...
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for writing to me.

It's really good to hear that you want to explain to him how you're feeling. I can hear that you are worried that your boyfriend will leave you because you are not ready to have sex with him. There is more to having a relationship than sex. Being in a relationship is about two people who trust and respect each other.

No one should be trying to pressure you into sex before you are ready. Deciding to have sex is a big decision. The law says you need to be 16 before you can have sex. The most important thing is that you are ready and are making that choice yourself.

Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship so I would say it’s a good idea to talk about it – be sure to mention how much you love him as well as how you feel about waiting to have sex. Perhaps you could also say that you’ve been worried about how it would affect your relationship by not having sex, so he knows that’s been on your mind.

I understand that it can be really scary talking about sex but you said in your message that 'he is a really great guy' and if he is then he will respect your decision and will wait until you feel completely ready. Our pages on sex and relationships might be useful to you as they cover talking about sex with a partner and advice on relationships.

If you wanted to talk things through a bit more you can always contact a ChildLine counsellor either on a 1-2-1 chat, email or by phoning for free on 0800 1111. Counsellors are there for you and will support you with what you're going through.

Take care,
Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter