Ask Sam letter

Hi

Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like this is a really difficult situation for you. Even adults can feel confused and worried about an unplanned pregnancy, so what you’re feeling is very natural.

I’m wondering if you’ve had a chance to really talk to your girlfriend about how you’re both feeling. People’s emotions are often all over the place when they first find out about a pregnancy. It’s important for you both to have a chance to calmly share your thoughts with each other about what you want to happen next. It’s likely that you are both feeling scared and unsure what to do, so being there for each other is particularly essential right now.

Talking to trusted adults can be a great help. Do you feel you can talk to any of your parents/carers about how you’re feeling? I know that might be tricky, as parents can react differently to this news. If you wanted some independent advice, you can always visit your GP, or nearest Brook Centre or Family Planning clinic, or call Ask Brook for free on 0808 802 1234.

You haven’t told me where you both live and how many weeks pregnant your girlfriend is. That will affect the options that you have and how you long you’ve got to make your decisions. In England, Wales and Scotland, abortion is legal up to 24 weeks of pregnancy, although most abortions happen before 13 weeks. The situation is different in Northern Ireland and Jersey and Brook’s website has got useful advice on this. Brook have also got more detailed information about adoption on their site, including what happens if the mum and dad disagree about their choices.

If you decide to keep the baby, it’s important to be very clear about what you both need to do to get ready. Because of your age, it may mean that you could need some help planning this, but that’s ok. Being a teenage parent is incredibly hard work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be great at it. The most important thing is that you and your girlfriend are supported to give your baby the best possible care. There is specific advice and help available for anyone expecting a baby, and most areas will also have extra help for young parents. Check out The Site’s advice about being a parent for more information.

You can find out more about how other young people are coping with similar situations on the Pregnancy and Young Parent message boards. You can also talk to a Childline counsellor online or by ringing on 0800 1111. You don’t have to go through this all on your own.

Take care,

Sam