Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi sam

well my best friend is a lesbian and she has made it very clear that she has feelings for me. I've tried to tell her that i dont feel the same she changes the topic and makes me fell realy gilty.

I first notest about a year ago at my brothers 21st birthbay party. He had a house party and said i could invite one of my fiends so i naturally said i would invite her and because we where 14 at the time and everyone else there was leagelly aloud to drink we desided to go up to my room and we just stared to talk and she started to kiss me. I was realy confussed because back then i never knew she was a lesbian. She's said that that what she did was wrong but she liked me more than a friend.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

You’ve said that about one year ago, you were alone with your best friend when she suddenly started to kiss you. You had no idea she was a lesbian and had feelings towards you. You felt confused and that is a normal way to feel given your surprise at what had happened. It sounds like your friend knows you were shocked by what happened and she’s told you what she did was wrong.

You haven’t told me much about how things have gone with this friend since your brother’s party one year ago. You say she’s made it clear she has feelings for you and it sounds like you’ve tried to tell her you’re not attracted to girls. It also sounds like these conversations have been very awkward, with your friend changing the subject and you then feeling really guilty.

In a situation like this some people might feel guilty as they can’t return her feelings or perhaps feel some damage has been caused to the friendship. But I don’t want to guess, since you are the expert here, and it might be something you have already thought about. I do think it’s important you are able to say what you want to say to your friend and be listened to. A friendship should be based on mutual trust and respect and no one should be forced into feeling uncomfortable. Sometimes friendships are easy and fun. Sometimes friendships are a bit more complicated.

One thing which might help you to understand and to deal with this is to chat with a ChildLine counsellor about is how you might tell your friend what’s on for you and what is making you feel uncomfortable now. For example, if your friend keeps changing the subject in conversation, maybe there are ideas for another way to let her know, such as a carefully thought out message, note or a text. A counsellor could help you think of some options.

I wonder if you’d like to contact ChildLine by phone or through a 1-2-1 chat, so they could give you more support with this. Also, there’s information in the Explore section about Friendships which I hope you can look at. You can also check the Message Boards, where young people post messages to support one another. There are Message Board threads on Friends, if you’d like to get some support that way.

Thanks again for writing to me,


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