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To Sam

Please.

Please help me. It is my birthday in a few days and I invited six different people. My mum said that I can only have six people so long as we are asleep at 12pm so that she and my dad can get some sleep. I told my friends and they said that they are staying awake all night whether or not I get the blame and I told them that it is what it is and I can't help it if my mum is strict.
But they are talking about me behind my back now and I can't help but think that my friends aren't really my friends if they would do that to me and make me get in trouble with my mum. I really don't know what to do  .
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Sam

Hello there,

Thank you for your letter, I’m really glad you decided to write in about this.

It sounds like making plans for your birthday has ended up being quite stressful, instead of being exciting and enjoyable.

You’ve told me that your mum said you could invite six friends to stay, as long as everyone is asleep by 12. It sounds like you’re annoyed because your friends have said they’re staying awake all night, even if you get the blame. I can understand you feeling annoyed about that. It doesn’t sound like your friends are being very respectful and it’s wrong of them not to take what you’ve told them seriously.

You’ve said that your friends are now talking behind your back and I can hear this has made you question if they are your true friends. I get the impression that you wouldn’t have behaved like this towards one of your friends if they were in the same situation. Good friends should be considerate and understanding and you deserve to feel supported by your friends.

It sounds like the whole situation has been really upsetting for you and its left you not knowing what to do. What you have described sounds like a form of bullying and it’s not right that your friends have made you feel this way. It might be helpful to have a look at the Friendships and Bullying pages in Explore.

I wonder how you’d feel about talking to one or two of your friends on their own? Perhaps you can think of some of your friends who might be more sympathetic or sensible. It might be that they could help the others to understand why it’s so important to listen to your mum’s rules. You might also want to think about talking to mum about what’s happening. If you still don’t think your friends will respect what you’re asking for, perhaps there is something else you can do for your birthday instead?

It’s important not to feel that this is something you have to go through on your own. Dealing with problems with friendships can feel lonely and stressful. I’m wondering how you would feel about talking some more to a ChildLine counsellor by calling 0800 1111 (free from any phone) by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat (similar to instant messenger) or by email.

Whatever you decide, I really hope you get to enjoy your day – Happy Birthday!

Take care,

Sam

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