Ask Sam letter


To Sam

my girl friend is 13 and im 12. she cheated on me more then one time

dear sam,

        dear sam my girlfriend is 13 and im12 she cheated one me more then one time. she said she loves me ,and i love her very much. but i cant trush her. now she says that she wants to kiss and she also wants to do sexual stuff. i imagined this in my mind and im NOT ready for that kind of stuff. so now im afraid of losing her because she said that she needs a boyfriend that can meet her needs. i know that i cant do sexual things with her becaus it is wrong and i can get in trouble with the law, so i told her that it is wrong and that we will get in a lot of trouble and she says "that maybe we shouldent be together if you dont trust me enough to do sexual stuff with her that we should break up"  we didnt break up but ive heard that she has been spending time with 4 other guys she has went to there house and i think she is cheating on me again and that she is doing sexual things with 4guys

Ask Sam


Hi there,

In any relationship it’s important to trust each other and to feel like you’re not being pushed too quickly. If you don’t feel ready to have sex yet then it’s okay to say no. It’s wrong for your partner to try to get you to do things you don’t want to do.

There are all kinds of emotions going on at any one time in a relationship. We might be feeling loved, trusted and secure whilst at the same time feeling scared of losing them and worried about what they might think. It can be a really amazing time but if things aren’t going right, it can also be stressful.

It’s not okay for your girlfriend to try and push you into having sex. You’re right that it would be against the law for you both to have sex. It’s absolutely fine for you not to feel ready. People become ready for sex at different ages but at 12 years old you definitely wouldn’t be the only one feeling this way.

Good relationships are built on trust and communication. If you are not able to trust her because you feel she is doing things behind your back that's a sign you may need to talk about this with her. There are difficult decisions to make when a relationship is not going how it should. This is why talking about it is important. It allows you to say everything you feel you want to say.

You’re entitled to your views and feelings. In an equal relationship she is entitled to hers too. What you do next if these views don’t match is up to you, but I think it’s definitely worth talking that through with someone else that you trust to see what they think. This could be a ChildLine counsellor if you wanted.

Remember that your feelings are important and if you don’t want to have sex yet, you shouldn’t be forced into that. I hope this helps.

Take care,

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