hello, i am extremely confused at the moment, ive got a boyfirned 1 year older than me and hes lost his virgintity and i havent , hes not forced me to do anything with him and he undertans that im not read yet but my friends want me to give him oral sex otherwise theyre saying he might leave me, i dont know what to do
Hi there,
There can sometimes be a lot of pressure to have sex or do sexual things, especially from friends. If you are not ready to have sex then you shouldn't go through with it, no matter what anyone else says. Any relationship where you have to do sexual things when you don't want to is abusive.
Losing your virginity is a very individual experience. For some people it's not important at all that they are still a virgin and don't mind waiting. Some people lose their virginity and don't feel like it was very special and don't treat their first time as anything to remember. Other people might want that first time to be special and mean something. It's different for everyone and you need to understand what it means for you and what you want it to be.
Some people feel like it's embarrassing to be a virgin and that they need to lose it to be "grown up" or to fit in with their friends. The important thing about having sex for the first time is that you feel ready and that you are safe.
Being ready can often mean feeling like you trust the person you are with. Building a relationship with someone can take a long time and it's okay to take things slow.
Whatever happens, it is your choice and not anybody else's. Think about what you want in a relationship. If your boyfriend were to break up with you because you were not ready for sex, ask yourself if that is a healthy relationship.
Our counsellors are always here to listen to and support you if you'd like to talk a bit more about how you feel.
Thanks for sending a letter about this.
Take care.
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
