Ask Sam letter

Hi,

Thanks for getting in touch. I can see how the situation with your friend seems to have become a problem for you. Friendships can be a really positive part of our lives but the same is true for new relationships. When you first start going out with someone it can be really exciting and it’s natural to want to spend lots of time with that person.

It also important to spend time with your friends as you have probably known most of them much longer than your new partner. It's really great that you're enjoying being with your boyfriend. But if that ever changes at all, it’s likely you’ll want your friends to support you.

Could you have a chat with your friend and tell her how much she means to you but also how happy you are with your boyfriend and that you’d really like time alone with him? I hear you don’t want to upset her but your thoughts and feelings are just as important. In an equal friendship you should both take care of each other’s feelings

Maybe you could work something out with your friend so she doesn’t feel too left out, like hanging out with her at certain times each week. Perhaps you could arrange to do something special one weekend, or after school, so that you’ve got that to look forward to together. That might make it feel easier to ask her to let you have some time with your boyfriend alone at other times. You have the right to want the space to build your relationship with him as a couple. Arranging some extra time together might also give your friend a chance to talk to you if she feels worried about something.

If you are unsure exactly what to say, it might help to ask other young people on the ChildLine message boards. If you’d like to talk more about this at any time, you can call or chat to a ChildLine counsellor.

Hope this helps,

Take care,

Sam