Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Being worried about a friend can leave you feeling powerless, upset or even annoyed. No matter how you’re feeling, it’s good to think about how you can support your friend while making sure you’re okay.

Relationship abuse can involve lots of different things. When someone starts to control their partner and stops them having a life of their own, this can sometimes be abuse. It’s never okay for your friend’s girlfriend to threaten him.

Sometimes an abusive partner can try and isolate someone from other people – other times that person may be choosing to do that on their own.  It would be important to find out more about what’s going on for your friend and the best way to do that is to talk to them.

When it comes to supporting your friend, the hardest thing is often accepting that they can make their own decisions. You can’t force a friend to leave a relationship, but you can let them know when you’re worried. Sometimes it’s difficult for a person to realise they’re in an unhealthy relationship. And usually they have to realise this themselves.

One of the best things you can do is show your friend that you want to support them. This can mean telling them the reasons you’re worried as well as being prepared to listen and accept them. Even if they’re not ready for things to change. Helping them to decide for themselves if they are unhappy with their relationship is one of the most powerful things you can do.

Supporting your friend on your own isn’t always easy. And remember that you don’t need to be alone. If you’re ever worried your friend is unsafe, you can speak to an adult you trust or talk to ChildLine. You could also suggest they take a look at the Disrespect Nobody website.

Take care,
Sam