Hi
Thanks for writing to me, I can see you you want to know how to deal with your friend being pushed and hit by their boyfriend. A boyfriend or girlfriend, should never physically hurt the person they are with. I think you are being a brilliant friend by asking for advice.
In a good, healthy relationship, people do not deliberately hurt their boyfriend or girlfriend. They should never call them names or make them feel bad for the things they do. Also it's not right if they use the other person's love or fear to force them to do things they dont want to. They should never push, punch, kick or harm them or threaten to hurt them, stop them seeing their friends, or check up on them all the time. If any of these things are happening, then this is a sign that things are not right.
You havent told me if youve talked to your friend already. If you havent perhaps you could start by gently telling your friend that youre worried about them and want to help. If they dont want to talk straight away, dont take it personally. It might be hard for your friend to admit that things are not ok in their relationship and she also might be worried what you will do. Sometimes people feel embarrassed or scared that their boyfriend or girlfriend is hurting them. They might really love their boyfriend or girlfriend, and hope that they will change, so they keep things hidden from other people. This can make it a hard thing to talk about.
There are some good websites that give advice about unhealthy relationships. Maybe you could mention them to your friend? The relationships page in Explore is a good place to start. Respect not fear and This is ABUSE have lots of good information too.
You might also want to think about telling a teacher, or another adult that you trust. If you think a friend is in danger, then you shouldnt keep it to yourself. Its also ok to ask for some extra help if you feel really upset and worried about a friend. Sometimes its too hard to cope with your worries by yourself.
You can also call ChildLine and ask to speak to a counsellor. The number is 0800 1111, and its free.
Take care
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
