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To Sam

My ex loved someone whilst dating me.

Recently my ex told me that she liked someone whilst she was dating me at school and for 10 seconds I felt out of body and so confused. We were dating for a couple months and she was amazing but broke the relationship after I came out as transgender. We used to be so confident together until she broke up with me over text and I cried for hours. I don't know if she didn't like me and I get if it's because I was transgender cause she is a lesbian but I don't know what to think about the fact she liked another woman and if that's truly why she broke up with me. What should I do or say to her?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

The ending of a relationship causes lots of different thoughts and feelings, especially if the break-up wasn’t your decision.

Break-ups happen for many different reasons and can sometimes lead to people feeling similar emotions to grief. They may be sad, angry or confused. This can happen even more when it was not your choice for the relationship to end. However, these are all natural thoughts and feelings to have.

Some people may want to understand why the relationship ended, whether it was something they did or didn’t do or whether their ex likes someone else. Even when people are in a relationship, it’s natural to sometimes feel an attraction to other people. For many people the important part is what someone does with that attraction: do they act on it or ignore it?

When you’re left with lots of unanswered questions about the relationship or break-up, it’s normal to want to try to get a better understanding of what happened. Before you speak to your ex, you might want to think about all the possible answers they could give you to help prepare yourself for what you might hear. Then you can decide if you want to find out more. You should also prepare yourself for the possibility that they may not be able to or want to answer those questions and, although it might hurt, that’s for them to decide.

Going through a break-up can sometimes mean your confidence is affected. This is often short-term but there are things you can do to help build your confidence back. This can be listening to music, doing some exercise, trying new things or having a look at our building confidence and self-esteem page. If you find that your confidence or the break-up has affected you for a long time or is having a big impact on your life, it might be worth speaking to a trusted adult or a Childline counsellor.

Hope this helps.

Take care,


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