Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for your message and telling me about how things are for you. You tell me that you are in a relationship with your cousin and that sometimes he tries to pressure you into doing sexual acts. I can hear that you do not want to do those things or have sex and you don't have to do anything you don’t want to; you have a right to say no. This is made more complicated for you by the fact that he is related to you.

If someone tries to pressure you into doing something sexual that you don’t want to do that is called sexual abuse and it is wrong for someone to do that to you. I can hear that you don’t always feel safe around your cousin and it might be useful to think about how you can stay safe such as not being alone with him, telling an adult you trust about what is happening then they can help to keep you safe or not seeing your cousin anymore.

You said that you think you might be pregnant and the only way to find out for sure would be to do a pregnancy test or go to the doctor. You could also visit your local Brook clinic; they are a confidential service for young people up to the age of 25. You can read more about the services they offer on their website http://www.brook.org.uk/ . You tell me that your cousin slapped you when he found out about your pregnancy worries and it is not right that he has hurt you in this way, this is physical abuse.

Relationships mean different things to different people and it might be useful to think about what you think a relationship should be like. For example, how do you think a person who cares about you should treat you and how do you think you should feel when you are around that person? Then think about your relationship and see if it matches up with what you think a relationship should be like and remember you have a right to leave a relationship if you want to.

From what you have told me it sounds like you are coping with this on your own and I know that can be difficult. Young people tell me that sharing their worries with a trusted adult can sometimes help to make things better. Perhaps you could think about someone in your life that you could share this with and get some support. This could be a family member, a teacher or perhaps your school nurse or counsellor. You can always come and talk to a counsellor at ChildLine too and they can support you with what you are going through by calling free on 0800 1111 or by logging in for an online chat (works like instant messenger).

You have done really well to get in touch and tell me about what is going on for you. I know our counsellors would really like to support you with this.

Take care,

Sam