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My boyfriend is making me send stuff I don't want to

Hi Sam

I'm 17, and my boyfriend is making me send nudes and videos to him when I don't feel comfortable. I tell him no, but he threatens to spill my deepest secrets online, and share my nudes with his friends... I don't know how to stop it.. If I ignore his texts, he calls me a slut and a whore....

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Relationships should make you feel safe and able to trust each other. Sometimes people take advantage of the other person's trust in a relationship and it can become abusive. It is never okay for someone to force you into doing things you don't want to do or to threaten you. What's happening is abuse and it is a good idea to talk to someone you trust about it so you can decide what to do next.

Sending nudes is risky but sometimes people in trusted relationships decide to do it anyway. The risks of sending nudes are that once it's been sent, it's out of your control. You might trust the person you send them to now but this might change in the future - and they may still have your pictures. It is also important to remember that the law around sending nudes is still not as clear as it could be. There might be consequences to having or sending sexual photos of someone under 18 - even if it's your own pictures.

No healthy relationship involves threats. What your boyfriend is doing is not okay and may even be against the law, depending on what he is threatening to do. It's often difficult to see that your relationship is abusive while you are in it and it's not unusual for someone to stay with an abusive partner for a long time. One of the best things to do is to talk it through with someone who you know would want what's best for you. This might be a parent, a friend or even a teacher at school or college. If you tell them what you have told me they might be able to support you in working out what you want to do next.

If you want to talk to someone anonymously then our counsellors are there for you whenever you need to talk.

Take care,


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