Hi there
Thanks for your letter, Im really glad you decided to get in touch, as I can hear that the changes you have seen in your relationship lately have left you feeling hurt and confused.
Good relationships are built on trust, respect and honesty. When these things are missing, it can often cause problems and can develop into what you have described. Being hurt physically and mentally, being forced to do things you dont want to do, being told who you can't speak to or being checked up on are all forms of abuse. This is not acceptable in any relationship.
Everyone is an individual and that means relationships can sometimes be difficult. Arguments and disagreements are natural, however you should never be left feeling unsafe, pressured or frightened. If you are feeling this way more often than happy then it might be time to start thinking about whether this relationship is right - for both of you. I can hear you feel he is a good person, and if that is the case, it sounds like this relationship is bringing out the worst in him. So it might not be right for him either.
When you say you know its not right, I can hear that you realise the way he is treating you is not something you should have to put up with. However I can also hear that you feel really worried about the impact not being together would have on you. It can often be really hard to separate our emotions from what we know might be the right thing to do, especially when there are good memories from the past when things were different.
When we care a lot for someone it can seem impossible to imagine not having them in our life and I can hear that you are really struggling to imagine this. With the right support it's possible to move on from a relationship that doesnt work out. You can also learn something from it too. It can take time to get to this point though.
Sometimes big changes in your life, like moving away to university, can change a relationship. When you described the past few months as hell, it sounds like the relationship has changed for the worse. This is having a really negative impact on you. It sounds like at the moment this hell might feel better than the thought of not being in the relationship at all.
You said that your boyfriend is the best thing in your life at the moment, which might be making you feel like you need to stay with him. It sounds like there might be other things in your life which are also making you unhappy, such as not feeling like you have settled at university. Moving to a new city can be daunting and meeting new people can feel difficult. If you had the freedom to talk to who you wanted to without being made to feel bad, do you think this would help you make more friends there? Perhaps your boyfriend is not allowing you to settle into university by stopping you from talking to other boys.
Whilst it may seem that there would be no one else, there are other people who can support you if you decided to end your relationship and are finding things difficult. ChildLine is one place to get support. Whether or not you feel you should end the relationship, it can really help to get support with the way he is treating you. ChildLine counsellors are always here to listen and help you look at ways you can keep safe when you are together. You can contact them by calling free on 0800 1111 or creating a ChildLine account and sending an email or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.
There is also a really helpful section on the site about relationship abuse and you might find it useful to have a look at it.
Take care,
Sam
