Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Friendships can feel really complicated and it’s natural to have times when things feel difficult and we disagree. When we have friends in school, we will often spend time with them outside of school too, and this can strengthen our friendships.

It sounds like your friends are spending more time together outside of school and you feel left out because you are not involved in things they do. You mention that they don’t let you do things with them outside of school, so I’m not sure if they simply don’t invite you as they don’t think to, or if they make it clear they are doing things just the two of them and deliberately exclude you.

Because your friends are cousins, it is likely they may spend more time together at family events, but that shouldn’t mean they value your friendship any less. It might be that they aren’t aware of how this is affecting you. Maybe this is something you can talk to them about. Talking can often can help you understand things better.

A good friend should want to listen to how you are feeling and help you to feel more included. If you think your friends might react badly to what you have to say, it could help you to understand what kind of friends they are and if you do want them in your life. If you do not tell your friends how you are feeling and the situation does not change, it might be that you are left feeling alone and upset with these feelings, which is not fair on you. At first this can seem really scary, but confidence building and assertiveness tips can really help people to feel more comfortable talking to someone.

One way you could spend more time with your friends might be to invite them to do things with you. Perhaps you could ask them for suggestions of what they might want to do too, so that they feel it is something they can also enjoy.

Please remember you can talk to a ChildLine counsellor or get support and advice from other young people on our message boards.

Take care,

Sam