Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My best friend has strong feelings for me

Hi Sam , I'm new to this so here we go I have had this friend for about a year we're super close and we share a lot of interests. She suffers with anxiety and shuts her private life away from everyone except me. earlier this year she came out to me as pansexual then about three weeks later I came out to her as pan/non binary. This was strange for me as I don't like to talk about this to anyone. Since then she been hanging around with me and my other friends she said she had a female crush and long story short it's me. I don't feel that way about her but don't want to hurt her feelings and with her being the way she is I feel as if I'm the bad person what should I do?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

When a friend says they have feelings for you, this can be a big a shock. It’s natural to worry about what to say, especially if you don’t feel the same way. It can also be hard when you feel a friendship might change.

It sounds like you’ve been a supportive friend. It’s important to remember that you aren’t responsible for your friend’s anxiety and you should never feel pressured to do something you’re not comfortable with.

Not feeling the same way about a friend doesn’t make you a bad person. People can’t control who they are and aren’t attracted to which means it’s nobody’s fault if you don’t feel the same way.

Talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling might help you to think about what’s best. When you feel ready, you might like to think about how you can talk to your friend. Doing something like writing a letter can help to make things clearer and give you both space.

It sounds like it took a lot of courage for you both to talk about your sexuality and gender. Remember that you can talk things through with a Childline counsellor about anything. Or share how you are feeling with other young people in a similar situation, on the message boards.

Take care,


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