Ask Sam letter


To Sam


hi sam i revently had a misscarrige. it wasnt compleately out the blue and i had been told my baby might not survive. i am finding it really hard to cope now and i dont know what to do. everyone keeps aasking how they can make it better but nothing can. any advice?

Ask Sam


Hi there

Having a miscarriage can be upsetting, no matter how far through the pregnancy you are. It can be a shock when someone dies and it takes time to recover from the loss of a baby, even when you knew it might happen. People react differently to losing someone and it’s normal to feel numb, angry, guilty or sad - there’s no right or wrong way to feel.

It can be difficult sometimes for friends and family to understand if they’ve not had a similar experience so they might not know what to do. You could start by telling them that you’re finding it difficult to cope but you’re glad they want to help. It’s okay to be honest about how you’re feeling and to say that you don’t know what you need at the moment.

Your feelings will change as you grieve and start to come to terms with your loss, and you’ll need different types of support at different times. Sometimes you might want someone to listen, sometimes to be alone. At other times, being distracted can help.

It can help to talk about how you feel. The Miscarriage Association has information and a helpline you can call for support, or you can speak to a counsellor at Childline. Keeping a diary or using the mood journal in your Childline Locker can also help you express your feelings so they don’t become overwhelming.

If your grief feels too difficult and you’re not able to move forwards you could see your doctor about more specialist support

Having fun and doing things you enjoy is okay too, when you’re ready. It doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten or you don’t care. It’s about learning how to carry on with everyday stuff after loss and accepting that things are different now from how you wanted or expected them to be.

I hope this advice has helped.

Take care,


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