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To Sam

Mean girls

I have quite a few friends but three of my closest friends have completly changed. They have turned into complete mean girls, they just spend there time bitching about people and talking bout there clothes and boys. I really dont want to fall out with them but to countinue to fit in with them i have to be like them and i cant be myself. What should i do?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hello there,

Well done for contacting me and for sharing what’s happening for you just now.
It can be difficult when people that we care about change in ways that we don’t like. From what you’ve said, you feel that your three friends now only wants to talk about clothes and boys, and have started being mean to other people. I can hear that you feel you have to choose between changing to be more like them, or not being friends at all.

Having people in our lives we care about is really important, but so is being yourself. You shouldn’t have to change who you are in order to fit in with others. If these girls are good friends who care about you then they should respect your choices and let you be yourself.

You haven’t mentioned in your letter if you’ve spoken to your friends about how you feel about the way they’re acting now. It might be an idea to explain your feelings to all of them, or just with the one or two you feel would be most willing to listen. It may be that they don’t expect you to change to be like them, and that you may be able to remain friends without having to compromise who you are.

If they don’t want to listen to you, you might decide that you’d prefer to start spending less time with them. It’s natural for friendships to change over time, as you all develop and grow as people. Perhaps you could try spending more time with other friends, to see whether any of them feel more like you do.

If it would help, it might be an idea to have a look at our message boards. There is a lot of great information on there from other young people who have shared their own experiences. You can post your own thoughts, as well as reading and replying to others. 

You can also talk to one of the ChildLine counsellors anytime, either by calling free on 0800 1111, or by having a 1-2-1 chat (which works like instant messenger) or by sending an email.

Take care,

Sam

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