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To Sam

Jealous of my friend and my enemy

hi, i am 14 male. my best friend is a girl, this girl is now pretty much going out with, well lets just say hes not on my friends list. everytime she mentions him i just want to throw up and just cannot help but feel so annoyed. i dont fancy her i dont think, its just to see someone i really care about to go around with someone who i roll my eyes at everytime i go near him just frustrated me.. i just want to do everything i can to end their relationship. i dont want to see her hurt because hes obsessed with sex. hes always got condoms throwing them around. i just dont want to see my best friend get hurt.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Sometimes people in our lives might make decisions and do things that we don’t feel are right for them. Everyone always has a right to make their own choices about who they might want to have a relationship or friendship with. As hard as it can be, sometimes we might have to respect and accept the choices that other people make, even if we feel they might be the wrong ones.

I can see that you find this person’s behaviour towards your friend concerning. If you felt that someone who you know is an abusive relationship, then you might want to let them know that you’re worried. Unhealthy relationships can involve lots of different things. There are relationships where someone might start to control their partner or stop them from having a life of their own.

It’s important to recognise when a relationship is abusive, but also to know when it’s not. If this person respects your friend’s wishes and they come to an agreement together about whether sex is right for them, that’s not abusive.

When it comes to supporting your friend, sometimes the hardest thing is often accepting that they can make their own decisions. You shouldn’t force a friend to leave a relationship they have chosen to be in.

Like relationships, friendships can also be complicated at times. We’re all different and experience things differently, so it’s natural to have times when our friends make us feel unhappy - whether they mean to do this or not.

When we feel upset with something or someone, it can help to talk things through. You might want to talk to your friend about your concerns. Your friend however might see things differently to you, so it’s always worth considering how she might react.

Don’t forget you can also talk to a Childline counsellor any time about how all of this is making you feel and what you might like to do next.

Take care,


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