Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I've lost two friends to suicide this month and it's really affecting my other friend.

I've recently lost two of my closest friend to suicde and it's really affecting my friend J*****. She's getting really out of hand and  not sure what to do to help her anymore. She started self harming again and won't listen to anything anybody is telling her. She keeps lashing it at people and she won't talk to anyone for more then 10-20 minutes a day. She refuses to come out of her room and she has baracaded herself in. She is refusing to eat and the only thing her parents have heard for the past 10 days or so is crying but no other noise. I'm seriously worried about her cause she means everything to me. If I ever lost her I wouldn't be here. I'm sorry to bother you. I just wanted some advice on what I can do. Thank you anyway
Ask Sam



I’m glad that you decided to send this letter because I can hear that J***** is finding it really hard to cope with everything that’s happened. I can tell that you’re really worried for her right now. Everyone copes with loss in a different way and nobody knows how they will react when they lose someone they care about. There is no right or wrong way to cope. Sometimes the best thing you can do for another person is just let them know that you are there to support them whenever they feel ready to talk to you.

You’ve told me that your friend won’t talk to anyone for more than 10-20 minutes a day and is often lashing out. Sometimes writing someone a letter can be a good way to let someone know how much you care and how important they are to you. It means they can read it when they feel calm enough.

I’m really concerned to hear you say that if you lost your friend you wouldn’t be here. It sounds like it’s been really overwhelming for you to see two of your friends take their own lives and then see another friend struggling so much. Sometimes when we are so worried about other people we can forget to think about ourselves and look after our own feelings. You haven’t told me too much about your own feelings in this letter. I hope you know that ChildLine is a safe place for you to come and talk about anything.

ChildLine counsellors are always here for you or your friend. Perhaps you can think about having a 1-2-1 chat or calling a ChildLine counsellor on 0800 1111 (this is free, even from a mobile). A ChildLine counsellor would be able to support you with how you are feeling about everything that’s happened.

We also have a page about when somebody dies. It talks a lot about the different feelings you might experience when you lose someone. You could also check out our page on self-harm - maybe you could send it on to your friend too.

I hope some of this helps.

Take good care,


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