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To Sam

Is this harrasment?

Dear Sam,

I'm not really sure how to start this so here goes.

About two weeks ago's I stayed at my cousin house. He started looking me up and down. I took no notice. Then it happened we were in his living room whilst his mum nipped out to get something from the shops, and he climbed on top of me. He started humping me there and I tried to push him off of me but he didn't stop and when I finally got him off me he just climbed back on. He laughed the whole time, not an evil laugh more like he thought it was all a joke. He thought I thought the same to. He kept pressuaring me for sex saying if I didn't like it he'd stop. We're only for 13 for sake. I said no and he didn't do it but he kept asking. He kept slapping my but and touching my down there. I really didn't like it, I don't want to report him or anything because well he's family and I'd feel bad. I just want to know what it is?

Please Sam.

From Anon.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your letter, you’ve been really brave to share what happened with me.

What your cousin did was wrong and I can hear how much you have been hurt by this. No one has a right to try and pressure you in to sex or to touch you in a way that you don’t want, and this is a form of harassment. Another name for what happened is sexual abuse. You are asking what it is: in the Explore section of our website there is some further information about sexual abuse that you might want to take a look at. There’s also a message board about sexual abuse where young people post to each other and offer messages of support.

You explained that you don’t want to report him because you’d feel bad. It’s important to remember that you have a right to be happy and safe, and that it’s not ok for anyone, including family, to pressure you or do things to you that you don’t like. You don’t mention how often you see your cousin, but it does sound as though he has persisted in harassing you.  It might be a good idea to think about how you can make sure you’re not left alone with him again while you decide what you’d like to do about this. If you feel unsafe and need help straight away at any time, it’s ok to call 999 and ask for help.

Perhaps you could have a think about whether there are any adults in your life that you trust, like maybe a family member or a teacher you get on with at school, who you could talk to about this. If saying it out loud feels too difficult maybe you could write it down, as you’ve done a fantastic job of explaining the situation and your feelings to me. Speaking to people we trust can be a helpful way to work out what we want to do in difficult situations, and you have taken an important first step by writing to me and telling me about this.

If you’d like to talk some more about this, then ChildLine counsellors are available to listen and support you. You can log in for a 1-2-1 chat, or call us for free on 0800 1111 and it is confidential.

Take care,


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