Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Is it harrassment?

There is a guy in my sixth form & I don't know if I'm overreacting to his behaviour & feel silly admitting that it bothers me. Whenever I am around him he constantly looks at my boobs and it makes me really uncomfortable. I've asked him numerous times to stop and told him to stop but he just doesn't. The other day he pushed one of my female friends and bent her over a table! He constantly picks on me but we're in the same friendship group so it's difficult to avoid him. He always stares and makes my bestfriend uncomfortable too. But he doesn't pick on her as much as me. Am I overreacting? I feel so uncomfortable and really stupid to go the staff at my sixth form as I'm worried I'm over reacting and I'm quite embarrassed. Is this sexual harassment or am I just being silly? I feel so horrible because today I resulted to making a racist comment about him & that is so not me. I'm not racist, I think it's disgusting but I just wanted to insult him but as soon as I said I knew it was wrong. I'm disgusted & just want him to leave me alone.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Someone staring at you in a sexual way or touching you inappropriately is wrong. And this classed as sexual harassment. You have done the right thing talking to me about how this has been making you feel.

It was really mature and sensible to talk to this guy about how what he’s doing is making you feel, although it sounds like he hasn’t changed his behaviour. It’s not okay for him to act this way around you and you don’t have to put up with it.

Talking to teachers about something embarrassing is hard. And it’s common to feel like you are overreacting. But as this is something that’s affecting you it’s not an overreaction. You haven’t done anything wrong and what this guy is doing at school shouldn’t be happening.

Everyone has the right to feel safe and secure at school, and it doesn’t sound like this is happening at the moment. You could talk to a member of staff, or another trusted adult about what has been happening. It may be an option to try to do this with your friend, so that you can support each other with this.

You mention you made a racist comment and this is something that goes against what you believe. It can be worth spending some time thinking about other ways to respond to this type of treatment. We can sometimes react in a way that does not define us and this makes us feel disappointed in ourselves.

You can talk this through some more if you need to with one of our counsellors, they will be happy to chat about this confidentially. Remember they're here to support you.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter