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is it gunna happen again?

Hi,
a couple of years ago i was abused by this boy.. he used to do it to other girls but not as far as with me. he was my boyfriend on and off for ages and i guess i felt like i was in love with him (stupid, i know) but then he abused me and my friend reported him to the police. he was warned but now hes talking to me again and he threatens me sometimes.. i have bruises down my face:/ he scares me but i feel bad if i dont reply to his texts or whatever cos then he starts having a go at my best friend and she doesnt need to be shouted at too.. what do i do?!?!?! i dont wanna get him in trouble again.
Ask Sam

Sam

Hello,

Thank you for getting in touch with me and letting me know what life is like for you. I’m really concerned to hear how your ex-boyfriend is treating you. What’s happening is very wrong and it’s also not your fault.

I don’t think it’s stupid that you were in love with him. It’s natural to love the person we are with. Abusive partners are very good at being very charming and good fun at the start of a relationship, before they start hurting the other person. However, whether you love someone or not, it’s never ok to be treated inthis way. Being in a relationship is about having and showing trust, care and respect for one another and you deserve to have all of these things.

It seems you don’t want to get your ex into any trouble but no one should be threatening you and making you feel this way. Your feelings and safety are important and I can hear that you are scared by him, which is understandable. You have the right to feel safe and the police can help to protect you and your friend. It sounds like your friend cares and is worried about you and reporting him when he abused you was a really good thing to do. It means the police will know that this guy has already assaulted you in the past, so they will take the threats he’s making now very seriously. You said he’s been texting you, and if you can show any abusive texts to the police then that will really help them understand what’s been happening. I can hear that he hurt you physically and you have bruises down your face and this is really concerning. It’s important to think about keeping yourself safe while you decide what you want to do about this situation. If ever you need any medical attention or emergency help you can call 999.

It’s a good idea to keep your mobile with you at all times and fully charged. Making friends and family aware of what is happening will make it easier for them to help keep you safe too. There is also lots of information and advice about getting away from abusive partners and ex-partners on respect not fear and womensaid

If you would like to talk more about this with a Childline counsellor, you can do this by calling the free helpline 0800 1111, or logging in for a 1-2-1 chat. They will be happy to help you talk through your feelings about everything that’s happening.

Well done for having the courage to tell someone about this and ask for support.

Take care,

Sam.

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