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Asker

To Sam

in love with a girl

hi sam

well, i'm a girl and i'm i love with a girl, i was really scared and still am but not as much but anyway a couple of days ago me and my bff were talking about it and we came up with a plan of how i was going to tell her. i told her but over txt and all she said was that she didnt feel the same way. so i'm seeing her in a few weeks, how should i act around her, should i talk about or not say anything. what should i do?????

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for sending in your letter. You’ve done really well in expressing how you feel about what’s been happening for you. I can hear that you’ve been feeling scared, but I want you to know that it’s normal and OK to be attracted to another girl. It’s good that you have support from your friend and I think you’ve been really brave to be honest with this girl about your feelings.

You said that you contacted her by text and that she’s told you she doesn’t feel the same way. I imagine that was disappointing for you, but at least now you know where you stand with her. Telling someone that you’re attracted to them always involves taking a bit of a risk but you did well to talk to this girl. You deserve to be with someone who likes you as much as you like them. Speaking up when you do find someone that you like is the best way to make that happen!

I can hear that you’re nervous about how to act with this girl next time you see her. It might be that she feels a bit unsure about what to say and do too. It could feel a bit awkward at first, but if you’re both mature about it, it doesn’t mean you can’t still be mates. If you show that you’re relaxed with her and that you’re OK about what’s happened, then hopefully that will make it easier for her to be the same. You could try planning in advance what you want to say if she mentions the text, so that you don’t get taken by surprise.

Unfortunately some young people can react badly to being asked out by someone who’s the same sex as them. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case with this girl, but it’s worth remembering that if someone ever did react that way, it doesn’t mean for a minute that there is anything wrong with you. Often that kind of reaction will be caused by things that are totally out of your control, such as that person’s family being prejudiced about people who have a different sexual orientation from their own.

If you want a bit more support, you could always check out the Explore page on Sexual orientation or post a message on the message boards asking how other young people would deal with your situation. The Young Stonewall website has got a lot of information about being lesbian, gay or bisexual that you might find useful. Remember, you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor – you can give them a call on 0800 1111, log in for a 1-2-1 chat or send them an email.

Take care,

Sam

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