Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I'm still affected by an emotionally abusive relationship

A year ago when I was twelve I started dating a guy who was fourteen. At first it was great but then he started getting controlling. I wasn't allowed to see my friends without asking nor was I allowed to leave the house without him as he lived close to me. He was constantly putting me down and joked about cheating on me, he punched walls often and was much larger than me. Later on he forced me to do sexual things despite me saying no, I felt worthless. I didn't tell anyone because I was terrified and we broke up soon after.
he often gets in contact with me and shouts at me. I'll shout back but he takes it to far. Recently I was drunk and he took advantage and got me to send nudes despite the fact im seeing someone else. It makes me feel worthless and depressed and I suffer from severe anxiety. I want to tell someone but didn't know who to come to, or what I can do about this? Please help me!!
Ask Sam


Hi there,

You have done really well to get in touch with me about this. Being forced to take part in or watch sexual things is sexual abuse.

It is also against the law for someone to pressure you into sending them nude photographs. This person was also making physical threats and emotionally abusing you. He is still treating you badly so it’s understandable that this is having a big impact on how you’re feeling. Our page about relationship abuse may give you some useful information about this.

Your doctor is someone who can support you to cope with depression and anxiety. It is your choice how much you share with them, so you could start by talking about how you are feeling without saying more about what happened. Going to a doctor will mean you get the right help and treatment if any is required.

It can also help to look at ways to make it harder for him to get in touch with you. Maybe blocking his number or changing yours or ignoring calls from him would help. These are some simple ways to send out the message that you do not want to have contact with someone. 

It is a good idea to share what's is going on with someone you trust. If you are still feeling a little unsure about talking to anyone else and want to find out more, please remember you can talk to a ChildLine counsellor at any time.

You could also have a look at our message boards where other young people may have posted about similar feelings or experiences and what they have done to cope and to make things better.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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