Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I'm confused

Um hi. I understand that the parent is in charge, you do as you are told and don't ask questions. That's just normal, but since my mum left my dad's been asking me to "stuff" with him i'm not wanting to do, but he's the dad and i have to right?  I really don't want to do those things. Sorry
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me and letting me know how you’re feeling. That can take a lot of courage, so well done.

Parents are responsible for taking care of us while we’re growing up. A parent’s responsibility should not just involve “being in charge” of their children. It should also include loving them, taking care of them, nurturing them, supporting them and all the other things we need develop and get ready for adult life. It should also be ok to ask parents polite questions when we’re not sure about something. This is how we learn and get new knowledge.

You’ve not said what your dad is actually asking you to do, but the topic you’ve chosen is “sex”. This makes me wonder if your dad is asking you to do sexual things, which would be very wrong of him. This would be sexual abuse. If that’s what’s happening for you right now, I would really encourage you to talk to the police, or a teacher at school. No adult has the right to ask a young person to do something sexual, no matter who they are. It is always ok to say “no” to any kind of sexual activity or touching that you don’t want.

Even if it isn’t sexual, if your dad is asking you to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with or unsure about, then it’s ok to ask questions and to explain how you feel. Perhaps you could also talk to someone else about it. That person could be a teacher, another family member or even a friend.

If you would like to talk more about this or any other issue, ChildLine counsellors would like to hear from you. You could log in for a 1-2-1 chat or call the free helpline 0800 1111. You could even send them an email. They could support you and help you to explore any options you may have.

I hope this helps,

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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