Ask Sam letter


To Sam

i think im in love with my best friend

hey Sam, as you can tell from the title , I think I'm in love with my best friend and i don't know how to tell her.

So for further context, I'm a British gay 14 yr old girl who has been romantically attracted to my best friend for about 4 years now and don't know how to tell her. She been the love of my life since I've me her when I was in year7 (I'm in year 10 by the way) and she's pansexual so I've always wanted to date her but I haven't yet told her I have feelings for her. What do I do?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It can be really difficult to know what to do if you start having romantic feelings for someone who has only been a friend up to now. It can be hard to know what’s right to do in this situation, but I can give you some things to think about which might make your decision easier.

The first thing to think about is whether you think there’s any chance they feel the same way about you. If they've been giving signs that they also have feelings for you, then it becomes an easier choice. The difficult thing is deciding what’s a sign they might like you and what isn’t. When you have a crush on someone it can be easy to read into things and think they’re signals. If you’re not sure if they like you, then think about whether you’re comfortable telling them how you feel.

When someone has been your friend for a while, their understanding of that relationship is based on you both being just friends. Sometimes when someone discovers that their friend has had romantic feelings for them things can change. Every relationship has boundaries and these usually depend on how close you are with each other. It's possible that your friend is comfortable with your friendship and she doesn't see you as someone she could be romantically involved with. It can to help remember this when deciding what to do.

It’s also possible for friendships to change. Sometimes if one person wants something more and the other person doesn't it can change a friendship. It's nobody's fault but if you were to tell her how you feel, there’s a risk that she could feel differently about you afterwards. It doesn't always change the friendship - it's possible to stay friends after talking about something like this, but it can change things.

Finally, you also need to think about you. You can't help feeling this way and it happens to lots of people.  Think about what things will be like if you carry on holding this in. If you never explain your feelings you might be left wondering what could have been. Or if she gets into relationships with other people, it might be really hard for you if you've never explained how you feel.

There's a lot to think about, so if you have a friend you trust then it's important to talk to them about how you feel. Our Childline counsellors are always here if you want to talk to someone or you can ask other people what they would do on the message boards.

I hope this has helped, thanks for your letter.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter