Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I really love this girl

I'm a 13 year old boy and I really like this girl who I've known sin year 4, but I've only loved her since the start of year 7, I'm in year 8 now and this is a long story but I hope you have time to read it.

So I went out with her for about a week in year 7 and I didn't know what to do in a relationship and she broke up with me, ever since then I've loved her even more, I cried a whole science lesson and I couldn't tell the teacher, otherwise it would be awkward. We are good friends and she is also friends with my sister and she comes over to our house on occasions. She knows I love her, but not to the extent, and she has a boyfriend. I want her to be happy with him but I want her to know how much I love her but it would be weird if I told her when she is in a relationship. I have this really good friend (almost related but it's very complicated) I can speak to and he understands me. I just want to know how to tell her how much I love her if she stays with her boyfriend for a long time.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. It sounds like a difficult and frustrating situation and I’m glad you got in touch.

I can hear how much this girl means to you. I’m sensing her being in a relationship makes things all the more difficult and confusing.

It sounds like you have mixed feelings about what you would like to do. On the one hand you feel it would be weird to tell her your true feelings whilst she’s in a relationship, but on the other hand you really want her to know how you feel. Perhaps part of you hopes that if she knows how you really feel there might be a chance for you two to get back together again? 

In the end, the decision about whether to tell her or not is up to you. I can’t really tell you what you should do here. Before you make that decision though, what might help is to think about the possible ways she might respond or react and how you would then feel or deal with that.  

In terms of how to tell her the truth, I guess that depends on what feels comfortable to you. It sounds as though you see her quite a lot, so speaking to her face to face might be an option. If that’s the case it might be a good idea to think about the best time to speak to her, for example during break time at school, after school, or when she’s at your house.  

I realise some young people find it difficult to talk face to face and find it easier to write down their thoughts and feelings in a letter, email or text message. These have their advantages and disadvantages. They give both of you time to think about what you want to say, but can also mean things might come across in a way you didn’t intend. You might also have to wait for a reply, so you’d have to think about how that’s going to feel for you.

It’s great that you have a good friend who you can talk to and who understands you. Maybe he can help you with deciding what to do next. Remember, if you want to talk about this some more to ChildLine, our counsellors are always here to listen. You can contact us on 0800 1111, online in a 1-2-1 chat or email.

Thank you for getting in touch. 

Take care,

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