Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. You’re never doing anything wrong by wanting to get to know a teacher. You’re also doing exactly the right thing by talking about it when you feel that something isn’t right.

It can be really natural to get crushes on lots of different people in your life, especially a teacher who you look up to. It sounds like you really admired this teacher and it’s understandable that you would’ve wanted to get to know him more. I can see that you had a good relationship with him in school and it might be good to think a little about what you most hope for in the future with him. I’m worried to hear that you had been left feeling uncomfortable after messaging with him.

Text messages and especially emoticons can really easily be interpreted differently by different people. Sometimes it can be that the person getting the message will read it completely differently to the person who had written it.

It looks like the message from your teacher has been going round in your head for a while. When you’re talking to an adult, it may be that what they’re saying isn’t something they gave a lot of thought to, but your music teacher has a responsibility to make sure he isn’t making you feel that way when he’s talking to you. It takes a lot of courage to admit when a situation feels wrong. Remember that it’s okay to want to trust that instinct. I'm wondering what it’s been like for you being around this teacher since you got this message.

Part of a teacher’s role is helping to develop the children and young people they teach. In doing that it sounds like your teacher has gone a little too far in what he was saying to you. There could be lots of reasons why this happened, but how you’re feeling is the most important thing. Part of a teacher’s role is to make sure that he doesn’t go beyond the pupil and teacher relationship. This doesn’t mean that he can’t like you as a person but him sending messages outside of school isn’t something that’s always okay. It sounds like this may be something that’s been going through your mind since you received that message.

I’m wondering what it would be like if you were to show another trusted adult the message that your teacher had sent to you. Showing someone the message doesn’t mean that you’re trying to get anyone in trouble, but it would mean you're not alone in a situation which you feel is wrong.

Sometimes it can feel difficult asking an adult about something like this. It’s important to remember though that you’ve not done anything wrong here, and that you never deserve to feel like a situation isn’t right with a teacher no matter what the circumstances. Being able to get things out in the open might even help you to think about how you feel more and even help you to get support in letting your teacher understand how you’re feeling.

No matter what’s happening you can always talk to ChildLine about what things have been like for you. You can contact us any time by either using the online 1-2-1 chats, by emailing or by calling for free on 0800 1111.

Take care,
Sam