Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I lied and it was illegal

I'm 14 (although i'm 15 next week) and I met a lad a concert about two months ago who is 19 (it was his birthday when I met him!) I panicked and told him I was 16 (why???) because I really liked him. We had sex and other things. He DID NOT force me. We are still together and i'm falling behind massivly with my school work because whenever he wants me to come over and see him I just go because I don't want him to not like me anymore. Teachers keep asking what i've been doing if I don't have enough time for work and my friends are getting suspicious as to why i'm always going into town alone. As are my parents. It's a huge intricate web of lies and if I stop lying everything will go wrong and he could go to prison so I can't tell the trusth, not now. So what I'm trying to ask is, what can I do? I don't want to break up with him but he'd have to break up with me if he knew how old I was so it would be the sensible thing to do right (But I don't want to..)? I can't tell anyone about me and him because of the legal complications so how can I try to stop lying? I'm so confused.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for writing in to me. From what you've told me it sounds like things are difficult for you as you say that at the moment there is ‘a huge intricate web of lies’ and it can be difficult to manage all these. It seems that you are coping with everything that you have going on, on your own. I want to let you know everyone needs support sometimes - it seems that you have people around that are concerned about you, maybe you could think about if there is anyone you trust that could help support you.

I can hear that you really like this guy but it sounds like the situation you are in could have some tough consequences for you and him. I can also hear you have thought about all the possible outcomes of being honest.

You say that you are falling behind at school and your parents and friends are becoming suspicious. I am wondering if you have thought about what would happen if people started to find out about you and this guy (it's possible that your parents might find out and report him to police). This guy has a right to know about your age and what he’s getting involved as he is unaware that he is breaking the law.

From what you say it seems that you have feelings for him and would like to continue your relationship but know that being honest with him might mean that the relationship wouldn't continue. Relationships are built on trust and honesty so it might be worth having a look at the Explore page on the ChildLine website as it talks about more relationships.

If you need to talk things through a bit more, you can always get in touch with a ChildLine counsellor. You can contact them either on a 1-2-1 chat, for free on 0800 1111 or you can send an email.

Take care,


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