Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

I had a miscarriage

i'm 13 and was pregnant,

i know i was very young but i was ready for it and in a loving relationship.i was excited,then i lost it and my boyfriend split up with me,

i dont know what to do

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there

Thanks for your letter. I’m really glad you have decided to get in touch. It sounds like a lot of things have changed in your life recently, and you have had to deal with the loss of both your unborn baby and your boyfriend. These are two big events that can happen in someone’s life so its natural that you would be feeling lost and like you don’t know what to do. It’s likely that after your miscarriage your body is still adjusting and your hormones will need some time to get back to normal, so this may make you feel more emotional at the moment too.

You say that your relationship with your boyfriend was very loving before you got pregnant so you felt ready to have a baby so I’m just wondering if perhaps you are feeling confused as to what has made your boyfriend split up with you? What would it be like to talk this through with him to help you understand how he feels about what has happened?

Having a miscarriage can be a difficult thing for a woman of any age to go through, so I’m just wondering if you feel you would need to speak to someone about how you are feeling? Experiencing a miscarriage is a form of bereavement and something which some people find useful to talk about. This can help them to cope with the sometimes confusing feelings that come up, and to help look towards the future and how to adapt to life without the baby you were expecting.

If you would like to talk to someone about your loss, you could speak to your GP to see if you could be referred to someone in your local area, or you could call the Child Death Helpline on 0800 282 986. This is a helpline run by parents who have lost a child and will be there to support you to talk about your loss.

Some people feel they would like to mark the loss of their baby by doing something special to remember them by. Some ideas for this could be to write a poem or letter or perhaps plant a flower or tree. Perhaps you could think of something special that would mean something to you. This may help you to remember your baby in a positive way and is something you can always turn to when you want to think about your baby.

If you feel you would like to talk this through with one of the Childline counsellors, you can talk some more about any of the things you have told me in your letter, you can do this by phoning free on 0800 1111, or through the 1-2-1 chat service (it’s a little like MSN) which is accessed from the ChildLine website.  What you say to ChildLine is kept confidential unless they are worried that you or someone else is in real danger.

Take Care

Sam

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