Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I feel lonely (~gay~)

Even though at the moment I'm making a lot of new friends, hanging out with old ones as well, got past my depression, came out, going to start college soon which I look forward to with other 16 year olds I know and have made friends with, and what not, I feel lonely.

I feel lonely because I've never had a date with a guy and when I get home I cry a lot at the moment, because I feel like this, I just a guy to tell me he loves me and hold me in his arms, Its what I dream about.

But I'm starting to get to the point I feel like self-harming or doing things I know would put me in danger like sexually with strangers who might be interested, just incase a glimmer of hope stands that I might get a boyfriend, even though they wont see the real me... And then later I know things will get bad.

Im scared, Im upset, but most of all Im lonely. I don't want to lose my emotional capability again, but now all I want is a guy and its making me develop feelings for loads of guys I know just because I want a guy to love me.

I went to a LGBT meet but everyone just sat around watching TV and it wasnt really my thing.

I dont want to wait, because its getting worse and worse with each day as my emotion slowly comes back.

So my question(s)is/are, what shall I do? what can I do?  and please, can I do it now?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. It looks like some things in your life are going much better, but the fact you haven’t been out with a guy is making you feel very lonely. I can see that you’ve also been feeling scared, upset and worried that you might harm yourself in some way.

You have said that you don’t want to wait as you are finding this hard to cope with day by day. I’m wondering whether you might feel able to talk to a friend about this for support.

I can see that you didn’t really enjoy going to the LGBT meet as sitting around watching tv isn’t your thing. It's still a great opportunity of getting to know other young people, so it might be worth going back and suggesting another activity, something that would get everyone involved. If you're stuck for ideas do a web search for fun activities to do with friends.

You might also like to have a look at Young Stonewall. It’s a young people’s site run by Stonewall; they are a large organisation fighting for equality for gay people in all aspects of life. You can find lots of information and support on this site.

You could also talk to a ChildLine counsellor if you feel it might help. They would be able to help you to look at your options of how to cope and maybe feel less lonely. You can call them free on 0800 1111, use the website to have a 1-2-1 chat with a counsellor or send them an email. Perhaps you could also look at the ChildLine message boards to see how other young people cope in similar situations.

Take care,


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