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To Sam

i feel like (my boyfriend/pretends im nothing) is a hypocrite,controlling person

You may think I'm too young to have a boyfriend but I'm 14 and my bf is younger.well its not the age difference ,we started dating about a month ago and basically he flirts with girls but when he see me going near a boy he goes berserk, he makes me cry whenever he flirts with these girls and I stoped talking to boys for him and he doesn't see me as his gf apparently I'm some girl who likes him" he has some best girl mate,him and her do everything together he does want to spend time with me and yeah but I want to get his reaction by talking to other boys or even walking with them so he can feel the pain I'm feeling when he does this,last month me and one of his friend became close and that's when he started doing this stuff such as flirting with other girls think its his revenge for falling in love with his friend but now I cant speak to this friend of his.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Good relationships are equal. One person should not be trying to manipulate the other’s feelings. Relationships can be abusive and it’s important to recognise when this is happening so that you can change things or leave.

When we are dating someone we should feel happy to be with them. Whilst things are never going to be perfect, we should at least feel good when we’re around them and not made to feel like we need to change. If someone is being very controlling then we can feel used, and that hurts our self-esteem.

A good relationship has some give and take. Both people might make some sacrifices but also gain something from their partner in return. It shouldn’t be that one person is making all the demands, and your boyfriend seems very demanding. There seems to be a large difference between how you see your relationship and how he does, which is usually a sign that something is not right.

I think it would be healthy for you to look at your relationship and have a long think about what you are getting from it and whether this is good for you or not. It seems like you only get stress and jealousy from being with him. Have a think about how you might feel if you didn’t have to worry about that any more.

When we get so far into a relationship it can sometimes seem like we have to carry on with it no matter what, but that’s not the case. You can always leave if you’re not happy and things are not changing.

Only you and your boyfriend can decide what happens with your relationship from here. There may be good things about it that you haven’t mentioned. Communication is important, so if you do want to try and change things then talking about how you feel is the first step.

Whatever happens, you can always talk to one of our counsellors about it, or perhaps a friend who knows both of you can give you their trusted opinion. I hope that helps.

Take care,

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