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I feel like Im losing him

Hi Sam

I need your help, I am 16 soon and my boyfriend is 18. We have been together over two years and a lot has happened. I unfortunately got pregnant and suffered a miscarriage which was awful and I miss the baby but we got through and it and believe things happen for a reason and that it wasn't our time then but will be in the future. I also am disabled so I have been struggling with it a lot and lost all of my friends, my school didn't understand my disability and he was the only one that stood by me and helped me. His friends even told him to spend a bit more time with me to make my life easier and to still go out with them, but only like twice a month which he liked the idea of and I said I would go with whatever he decided.
But now things have changed. He is working now and is always tired and takes it out on me a lot. I have depression and he doesnt understand it and just keeps saying im unhappy with him which isnt true, im unhappy with everything. He also blames me a lot for the baby and he just isnt the same. He still helps me a lot with my disability though and keeps saying he still wants to be with me, I just dont know how to deal with all the bad bits.
How can I raise these problems with him without upsetting anyone, but still make him realise how bad things are? And how can I cope with things being different to how they used to be?
Sorry its so long but I really hope you can help me:( x

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like things are really difficult for you at the moment. You have a lot going on in your life.

I get the sense that you feel quite stuck with how things are at the moment and would like to be able to talk openly about how to make things better. It can sometimes be hard to have these conversations, but a discussion can help things to move along and feel better.

It sounds like your boyfriend might be struggling to come to terms with the miscarriage. Miscarriages can be very hard and bring up a lot of painful and confusing emotions. There is no right or wrong way to feel as people react differently, but that doesn’t give him the right to blame you and I get the sense it might be very upsetting for you as well.

I’m wondering what support you have both had since.

Sometimes people bottle up their feelings as they are trying to forget or not upset other people, but talking about it can really make a difference. If you think it might help, perhaps you could suggest to him that he get some support. Visiting a GP might be a good start for him. It could also help him to contact ChildLine. These are things that might help you too, if you wanted to get support in that way.

I am concerned to hear that your school didn’t seem to understand your disability. They should assess your needs with you and listen to what you say. Part of being inclusive is to make sure everyone, no matter what their needs are, can have the same opportunities.

It sounds like you feel quite isolated sometimes. You mentioned having lost friends and it sounds like maybe you feel angry and sad about that.

Sometimes it can really help to make time for yourself to do one thing you enjoy each day - like listening to some music, drawing, painting, watching TV or reading.

I hope this is helpful and please remember that you are more than welcome to contact ChildLine to talk to a counsellor whenever you want to. They can support you with how you are feeling and help you to think about your options.

Take care,
Sam

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