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Hi there,
Having sex can be such a big decision to make. Although it might work out okay sometimes, theres always the risk of being hurt. Some people can be selfish and want to use others to get what they want. Picking up the pieces when theyve left can be hard. Having sex doesnt make you a bad person.
I can tell you really regret having sex with this person. Its always easy to see these things differently after theyve happened. We all do things we regret, there isnt anyone who lives their life entirely to plan making mistakes is part of living and is how we learn.
Youre right that its very important to think about whether you are ready before having sex. Sometimes we can feel ready for something like this and only afterwards realise we werent. This uncertainty is why the legal age to have sex is 16 - because its so easy for someone to think theyre ready when they might not be.
Just remember that choosing to have sex doesnt make you a bad person. Although you regret it and you feel it was a mistake, that doesnt make you a slut. Thats a word thats used to make women feel bad about having sex, when really you get to decide who you sleep with and when. I think the fact that you were not ready is making it hard for you to forgive yourself for making a mistake.
I think itd help you to talk to others on the ChildLine message boards perhaps theres other people who feel they chose to have sex too young who might be able to help you cope. Maybe you could start a things you regret thread to see what others say. It sounds like your school counsellor wasnt very helpful if you do want to get some advice about underage sex, you could always talk to our counsellors too.
Thanks for your letter, take care.
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
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