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To Sam

I don't want to lose her.

Hi, I've recently got into a relationship with a great girl(been together nearly 2 months) and she says she's unsure about what she wants and that sometimes she feels more like a friend than a girlfriend and I don't know what to do to make her think differently. I really like her and want to make this work but at the minute I'm lost and don't know what to do. She's never really been in a serious relationship before so maybe that's part of the reason. Any help would be appreciated as I'm stuck. Thanks, M*.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

A relationship has to feel right for both people. That means that even if you put in a lot of effort to make things work, if your girlfriend doesn’t feel as committed or as sure, there might be a chance that things aren’t right. 

On the other hand, with all relationships good communication can be really important. Both people need to understand each other and feel supported and cared about. In a new relationship it can take time to build up trust and to feel sure about what the relationship means for each of you.

As it’s still early into your relationship, it might help to take things slowly and enjoy getting to know each other. This way you can both work out how you feel and what you want. Communication also helps to build a good relationship. It's important to talk about issues that are affecting one or both or you. Each person needs to know how the other feels.

You might also find it helpful to take a look at the ChildLine message boards. Young people can offer each other advice and share their experiences there. Perhaps you could visit the Relationships section of the message boards to see what other people are saying about their relationships and how they are sharing their stories and supporting each other. You can also talk to a counsellor at ChildLine any time you want.

I hope that you and your girlfriend enjoy spending time together, whether your relationship continues or whether you decide to be friends instead.

Take care,

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