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To Sam

I don't want to do this

Hi. I'm 16, and and from a strict Pakistani family who are completely against boys and girls mixing. 2 years ago I went out with a boy who seemed very decent, but my brother found out. Since then I have secretly been dating him. I loved him and we kissed and he's touched me, which is very wrong in my religion. I allowed this as I thought we'd always be together. No one knows of this, not even my friends. Now he is asking to get more intimate with me or he will tell everyone what we did first. I don't want this, but I can't have my family and friends know about this. I just want to die. Please please please help me
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter and for having the courage to write to me.

It seems like you have been happy to keep seeing your boyfriend even though it’s not something that your family would agree with for cultural reasons. I can hear that you had felt your relationship would last forever and you developed very strong feelings for him.

You have told me that your boyfriend is ready to become more intimate with you which is not something you want. I want you to know that it is not okay for anyone to pressure you to be intimate with them. It’s really important to make your own decisions about when you feel ready for sexual experiences.

It sounds like your boyfriend may have started to threaten you. You have said he might tell everyone about what you have already experienced together and that could be very frightening for you. It makes me wonder how you feel about your relationship with your boyfriend now. You might like to try talking to your boyfriend about this. It feels like it could be important to let him know that you are not ready to go any further with him.

It’s very important not to respond to threats from people. Giving them what they want sends the wrong message to them. Giving in to threats can make people think that making threats works and it might mean they keep using threats against you. If someone is using threats against you, it’s okay to call the police on 101 and ask them to help you.

I'm wondering how you'd feel if you could get some support by speaking to someone who you trust like a teacher at school. You may want to take a look at our page about asking an adult for help. You can also read about relationship abuse.

You mentioned you want to die and that’s really concerning to hear. I want you to know that there are ways out if this situation and I would encourage you to talk more about that to one of the ChildLine counsellors. You can get in touch any time, by phone, or online through 1-2-1 chat . They care about you and they are always ready to support you.

Take Care,

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