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I don't love my boyfriend

Hi Sam,

Recently I got myself into a relationship with this amazing boy, we've only been together a week but have been talking to each other for a few months. When we started flirting I thought nothing of it and I expected it to be just us messing about, not taking anything seriously. But then we met up and he asked me out, and i said yes. He's honestly so nice and he loves me, but i just don't love him back, and at first i was happy, but sometimes I'm just so depressed I ignore everyone including him. I feel like I'm leading him on and i hate myself for that, but then i dont want to hurt him by breaking up, plus I'm acting like everythings perfect and I'm madly in love wth him while I'm always upset and feel trapped.. I have no idea what to do, I dont want to hurt him, he doesnt deserve it. I'd appreciate any help

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Sam

Hi there,

Relationships can turn out differently to how they were at the beginning. Often we discover new things about ourselves and the other person by being in a relationship with them. It's always okay to say how you really feel and end something that isn't working - no matter how hard it might be.

When we go out with someone it's usually because there are positive things we're getting from being in a relationship with them. How attracted you are to them and how you feel can change over time - either getting stronger or weaker. It's always okay to feel the way you feel. You should never feel guilty about that.

I know you don't want to hurt him but it's important to be honest and explain why you want to break up. You might find it helpful to think about what you want to say before you speak to him, or write it down so you can put it in the right words. Try to tell him face to face if you can - you might want to do this in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. 

It can be useful after a break up to have time apart. Talking after a relationship has ended can sometimes make it harder for both people to move on. If you don't want to be friends in the future, don't promise you will be. It could hurt him more if you lie. If you do decide to be friends, that's okay. But it's important to make sure he understands there's no chance of you getting back together.

You can get lots of advice from other young people on our relationships message board. And remember, you can always speak to a Childline counsellor for support.

I hope that helps. Thanks for your letter.

Take care,

Sam

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