Ask Sam letter

Hi there

Thanks for your letter and for finding the courage to talk about this.

It can be really tough when two people have different ideas about what they would like from their relationship, but no one has the right to pressure you into something that you feel uncomfortable with. I can hear how much this boy means to you, but it also seems clear that you are not ready to do what he is asking of you.

I’m concerned that he is making you come back to his house when he knows no-one else is there. It’s important that you always feel safe and secure when you’re with your boyfriend. If he’s doing things that make you feel worried, I would really suggest you try and avoid being on your own with him, while you decide what you want to happen.

It’s ok for you to say no to this. In a healthy relationship your partner should respect your feelings and not pressurise you to do anything that doesn’t feel right for you. If your boyfriend is forcing you into any kind of sexual activity, then that is against the law. Also, because you are under 16 and your boyfriend is much older than you, he could be in trouble for having a sexual relationship with you, even if you agreed to it.

You might like to take a look at the Explore section of the ChildLine website where you will find some information about healthy relationships. There’s also some helpful information on relationships on the Brook website.

If you would like to talk any of this through, you can ring to speak to a ChildLine counsellor on 0800 1111 (calls are free) or log in for a 1-2-1 chat on the ChildLine website. Any of the counsellors there would really like to support you.

Thanks again for your letter and take really good care.

Sam