Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I don't know what to do

I'm really confused and I don't know what to do because I am going out with someone but I don't love him anymore nd I want to break up wiv him because I love someone that's 1 year younger than me . I don't want to hurt my boyfriend's feeling though because I feel like he actually loves me a lot and he even promised that he will love me forever nd stuff and that our relationship will last long....I feel that he's too different to me....please help me
Ask Sam


Hello there,

Breakups can be hard, especially when there is a third person involved. It sounds like you really care about your current boyfriend and are really trying to find the best way to deal with this situation.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone else and it’s clear you care a great deal for your current boyfriend. However, not telling him how you feel may hurt him more in the long run. One way to think about this is to imagine what you would want your boyfriend to do if he was in the position you are.

It’s good that you don’t want to hurt his feelings but it sounds like things have changed for you as you say you want different things. It’s clear it’s become too difficult to keep hiding the truth, and that your feelings for this other person are making you want to get things out in the open.

Breakups don’t have to be really messy. You can tell your boyfriend how you feel and make it as easy a break up as possible. It sounds like you would take care to not hurt him with the news, so take time to plan what you will say and how you will tell him. You should be prepared for him being upset as he probably will be hurt – but that’s not something you can control.

It’s normal for people to fall in and out of love, and just because your feelings have changed it doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. You should think carefully about whether that is something you would want and how that is going to affect you both. These situations are often awkward and your boyfriend may not want to remain friends with you after you break up. It’s important to respect that if it’s what he wants – you both might need some time apart for a while.

We have a page on Relationships which you might find useful. If you want to talk through how to tell your boyfriend about your changed feelings, you could try talking to one of our counsellors or asking people on the message boards what they would do.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter