Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

I crave a baby...

Hey Sam,

I'm only 16 years old but I crave a baby.. I have got a boyfriend but we've never had sex. I don't want to have a baby right now, but I do crave to have some who depends on me constantly and someone I can cradle and love. Like I've said, I don't want to get pregnant now as I finish school in 3 days and want to go to college and get a job.. I want to be able to provide for a little one, but I go to sleep at night thinking about what it would be like to have a baby and have a little family.... I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this at 16...? And am I going mad?

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Lots of people really want to have a baby, it doesn’t matter how old you are. It’s natural to want to love and care for another human and for many, having a baby can seem like the best way of doing this. Babies need a lot of love, care and attention and looking after them can be wonderful but it can also be really difficult. Being a parent will change your life for ever and it’s really important for you (and your future children) that you are ready and have children at the right time for you.

For girls in your teenage years (and sometimes after) your body is getting ready for childbirth and it releases a lot of hormones and you go through a lot of changes so that this can happen. And this affects everyone in different ways. You may feel upset, sad or confused. And sometimes the urge to have sex or have babies can be strong too, so you’re not going mad. With sex it’s really important that you only do it when you are ready. Its also important to talk to your boyfriend first about how you both feel and that you use contraception to stay safe.

It’s really wise to think clearly about what you want to do with your life and your future. The time between leaving school and getting a job is special and it can be a good chance to have fun, to travel, to work out who you are and what you want to do.

If you're wondering what it’s like having a baby and being a young parent it can help to ask other parents you know. You might also want to think about whether there is another way to care for something, like a pet. Looking after a living thing like an animal is a good way of understanding responsibility.

Sometimes if your own family aren’t as supportive or caring as you'd like them to be, it can make you feel like you want to make your own family to make things right, or to want to be the parent that you would have wanted. If you feel like this, talk to someone you trust for support in your life now. And maybe one day when you're ready, you can become a great parent. You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor about your feelings, hopes and dreams at any time.

The babycentre also talks about things you need to think about for when you feel ready for a baby, and Brook gives advice about having a baby. This includes having a stable family or support to bring them up in, a safe place to stay and money to buy what the child needs.

Take care,
Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter