Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I can't get a girlfriend

Hi Sam iam in a wheelchair and I have been fancying this girl for a long time we are friends but I dont know how to ask her or I don't know how she will react because If I ask her and she says no I don't want to lose our friendship
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Friendships are really important. The thought of losing a friend can be really scary,

I get a lot of letters from young people who have started to have romantic or sexual feelings for a friend. Most of those young people have also said they are worried that these feelings could change or end the friendship. I can hear that this is an important friendship to you, which is why this situation is really difficult.

You mentioned you use a wheelchair. I know this can mean different things for different people. I’m not sure what being in a wheelchair means for you or whether  this could be a reason you think your friend won’t want a relationship with you. It's difficult to know if feelings for someone will be affected by them being wheelchair users. But I do know that you deserve to be loved and respected, for exactly who you are. 

Some people may never have thought about dating someone who uses a wheelchair. It could be confusing for them. You could try to find out about this by having a conversation about this. You could answer any questions she might have.

Sometimes negative thoughts and worries grow and take up more space in our minds than facts or positive thoughts. It’s important to make space for the good stuff too! 

Think about what you know about your friend. What has she said or done to show that she likes you? Has there ever been anything that she’s said or done that makes you think that you being in a wheelchair is an issue for her? These can be helpful things to consider.

You might also have other friends and family who can support you. They might have some other ideas about what to do. Only you can decide what you want to do next.

If you are going to talk to her, whatever words you choose will be the right ones. Whether you talk in person, on the phone, via email, text or Facebook, all that matters is that you pick the way that feels most comfortable for you.

You could practise what you want to say with a ChildLine counsellor. The ChildLine message boards are also a good way to get support - where you can reach out to other young people for some advice.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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