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how do you know you're in love?

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now and I'm considering losing my virginity to him. How do you know you're in love with someone? I don't want to waste it on a person.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your message.

I'm really glad you decided to ask me this question because I can tell that you’re feeling stuck. It’s always good to get advice on something when you’re not sure about what to do.

Relationships involve some of our most sensitive feelings. This is why it can be so special when you feel good about the person you’re with. The danger is that it also means we might get hurt as well. Sex is one of the times when we open up to someone else more than ever so there’s even more chance of being hurt. It’s usually important to feel as sure as you can before opening up like that.

What you could do is ask yourself how you would feel if your relationship ended after you had sex with him - imagine what that would be like for you. Once you’ve done that you need to then think about how much you trust your partner and whether or not you feel the relationship is going to last. For some people it’s more important than it is for others. You’re the only person who can decide how important it is for you.

Talking is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Having a conversation with your boyfriend about sex and what it would mean to you is probably a good idea. It may be that he isn’t ready yet and feels he needs time himself, but until you talk it through you wouldn’t know. Finding out what each of you want and how you both see things progressing is really important. It might give you the answers you’re looking for.

If you want to read more about relationships, you can take a look at our Sex and relationships page. You could also talk it through with a counsellor or other young people on our message boards.

Well done for getting in touch.

Take care,


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