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How do i get rid of an annoying, clingy friend?

I have a "friend" (lets just call her A), now A is a very annoying, boring person who talks too much. Me and almost everyone in our year group do not like her anymore! We have confronted her and told her that she talks too much and she's annoying but she said, "This is who I am! You can't change me." So she keeps hanging out with me and my friends and we are getting sick to the bone of this now! We run away from her after school, but she always seems to catch up! How do I get rid of her?!
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Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your message - it was brave of you to be so honest with me about your feelings for “A” and I’m really glad you got in touch.

It’s okay to feel like you don’t want to be friends with someone, it’s unrealistic to think that everyone you meet is someone you’re going to get on with and things can change as a relationship or friendship develops, but perhaps there could be a couple of things worth thinking about with the way you act towards A.

I’m wondering what it could be like from A’s point of view – if you put yourself in A’s shoes, what does the situation look like? She seems to want to be with you and your friends but is being told that she isn’t wanted. It seems like you have something to say to her and it can be hard to find the right way to say something like this without hurting someone.

I can hear that you find her annoying – and again, it’s not wrong to have feelings like that because we can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose how we act on those feelings. I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is because you have to make that decision on your own. It might help you to think about how you would want to be treated yourself.

Perhaps you could also think about what it is you find annoying about her. For example you said she talks a lot – I’m wondering if she might be trying really hard to fit in. If she is feeling unwanted it might be that she is trying extra hard to be friends with everyone and this can sometimes come across as being annoying.  It is worth asking yourself if there might be a simple way to help her to fit in.  Sometimes people who we find ‘annoying’ do not know that we feel this way about them.

Nobody is perfect and there are things we all do that will get on other people’s nerves sometimes, but it’s good to forgive people for their flaws so that people will forgive us for our own. I’m wondering if changing the way you act towards A might help her to feel more comfortable and less pressured to fit in – perhaps the thing you find annoying about her might stop. Perhaps talking to her is an option: you could explore what you might say and practice it with a ChildLine counsellor.

I’m not here to tell you who to be friends with, but maybe you can see what other young people think about what you should do. What would it be like to ask your question to the friends forum on the ChildLine Message Boards and see what people think.

Take care.

Sam

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